Against the Dark
There's nothing like a Steven Seagal movie to make you feel better about yourself. My crap, literally, is more intelligent than any sentence in the film. If you're struggling to get a job in Hollywood, watch this and be glad you weren't involved. Unless you were involved. Then may God take pity on you.
There's not a single redeeming quality to the movie. Seagal is so fat he can barely swing his sword. Luckily he only shows up in every other scene, walking slowly. Seagel emloys a henchman doing most of the killing for him anyway. He also benefits from how easily the 'vampires' are killed. Apparently any old sword cut, gunshot, or stomp of a boot will take care of 'em.
The plot is equally terrible. Two uninfected people have been hiding out in a hospital for multiple days. When they finally move through the hospital to escape, it's SWARMING with vampires. How in the hell did they make it so long without crossing paths with a vampire? And why don't any of the non-hunters have weapons? It's been months of living with this vampire threat and they don't bother to arm themselves? Some added joy is the military commanders arguing about when they'll nuke the hospital. Keith David phoned this performance in on his cell phone, from a dead zone.
Gotta love the 'mad,' 'irrational' zombies stopping to talk too. One second, blood thirsty and raving, next second he's rationalizing, trying to talk the cow into the slaughterhouse, then he returns to the 28-Days-Later-style blood-thirsty zombie. But they still don't know how to use weapons. How has this 'disease' spread when they die by the cut of a butter knife and can't use weapons?
I also love the emotional moments when Seagal loses his female cronies, neither of whom speak a word of dialogue.
The writer blatantly stole a running theme from "I Am Legend." Characters repeatedly reference humans being the monsters now. It only bothers me because no credit is given to the source material.
I will give props for using a broken bottle to shove a live grenade into a vampire, causing him to explode. That's pretty sweet.
Numbers won't do this movie justice, so I'm including an adjective-based review in addition to the usual.
Summary: Editting - Terrible. Acting - Terrible. Music - Terrible. Writing - Terrible. Special Effects - Servicable. Overall - Awful. Seagal scale - about average. Factor Scale - abnormally bad.
First Viewing: 1+1+0+1+1 = 4
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The Drake
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